Accept it!

Sometimes in our life, we do not get a choice.
We have to accept what life bestows to us.
We may not like it!

But only when we accept it, it turns better from worse and
gives us the strength to make most out of the situation!

-- Words from Me

Standup Arjuna!

"Standup Arjuna! for you are a king and you have some responsibilities that you ought to do. Normal people look up to their kings and respectable people, and inherit values from them. So it is very important for a king to uphold good values not only for his goodness, but also for the goodness of his people. If you stumble, then it would shudder the moral strength of your citizens also."

Krishna thus says to Arjuna, how important and significant it is for a Leader to adher to values and dharma. These days, I am reiterating myself with these words and draw inspiration. I have not become a leader now, but I am now a mother. Mother of a baby who turns to me for everything he does and need. He watches me closely and looks up to me. Indeed I might think that he does not understand my emotions and actions. If I would have thought it that way, I am totally wrong.
He does understand my smile, anger, and even my intonations. I am sure he would learn a lot from me and hence I am a Leader to him :)

I have taken myself a woe, that I have to be strong physically and emotionally even during these tough times and make him understand that "Whatever happens is a passing cloud. With a right attitude and faith in God we can remain as a sky undeterred by those passing clouds". Once in a while I do fell back, but I remind myself that being a mother I should not submit, but stand up!

I pass on this message to you, who is a leader for someone known or unknown, and going through testing times - "Stand up, be strong and do your best, for it's only that you can do and rest is God's will"

Being a mother...

Being a mother gives you a special feeling.. We have always been taken cared of or cajoled by someone all these days.. For the first time in your life, this little baby loves and needs all your care.. This is a very special mother's feeling and we pamper our baby.. It seems as though he is our utmost priority and everything else comes second. You enjoy their pranks and yes, to be true, sometimes it does make you frustrated. Especially when you are taking care of him alone. Sometimes, losing our patience we might even scold them. The wonderful thing to appreciate and learn from them is, they "forget everything"! Yes they forget that Mom scolded and smile at us the next moment and wants us to hold them. :) Children indeed are gifted to have this character. Infact, we humans have them innate.. its just that as we grow, we get transformed and slowly lose it. I am remembered of a famous Tamil song குழந்தையும் தெய்வமும் குணத்தால் ஒன்று (kulanthayum deivamum gunathal ondru) Yes, this is also the song which I sang in my childhood and got some prize. My mother always says that she spent so many days making me sing that song... As I told earlier children "forget everything" and I have forgot how much she struggled with me.. :) Ah, this makes me think why youngsters don't appreciate or respect their parents affection! May be they "forgot everything" that how they have been grown up by their parents.
Okie, let me not diverge from what I intended to write in this post..

I thought I could scribble some of my experiences that might be valuable inputs for someone..

• First thing I would say is don't ever practise your baby to fall asleep after drinking milk. It will be seriously difficult to make them sleep otherwise.. Most importantly they will not sleep in your absence and also refuse to take any other milk in the later months.. Give them milk sometime before they go to sleep and put them to sleep in someway that suits you both.
• You can eat some ayurvedic legiyam (paste) that helps promoting secretion of breast milk. The breast milk usually gets scant after 2 or 3 months.. so it is a good idea to start consuming it earlier.
• It is a good idea to give breast/formula milk or water to the babies from the initial days using bottles. This helps to inculcate the habit of drinking from bottles. Though you might think that it might not be needed initially, in the later months some babies refuse to drink from bottles. And, this is the mistake I did!
• It is a good practice to keep them on the floor most of the time and hold them only when they cry or want to.. Don't ever hold them because you like it or they love it.. Babies always loves to be carried on.. But this will hinder their development progress and also you will see from 9 months the techniques they use to make you carry..  It is very important that you keep them on the floor after 5 months for they start learning to turn around, roll, crawl, sit, stand etc..
• If you are planning to send your baby to daycare, then it is a good idea to know the habits they follow beforehand. Habits like using potty,  eating habit, drinking habit, sleeping habit etc. This would really help the babies to accustom themselves with the daycare easily.
• Once babies start taking solids, I am sure that all mothers like their babies to be fed by them. Also babies like the same way. But from my experience, I would strongly recommend that its a good idea to practice feeding solids and formula milk by other close ones like Father, or grannies.. It is in fact true that during initial days they resist to eat and in some cases eat less when they are fed by others, but the practice makes it slowly better. This really help in future, when you are planning to send your baby to daycare or you have to join office back or you could not feed them for some reason!
• After seeing children in the daycare, I would say the best habit that we inculcated to Barathraam is sleeping without dummies or pacifiers (tutti in Finnish). I felt bad when I saw a 2 year old needing a dummy to sleep. While babies innately like to taste their fingers, it was during 3-4 months they develop a strong tendency to suck the fingers. We gently diverted his attention from sucking and yes, its a bit difficult. He cried many times in the night and we pacified him somehow and yes, sometimes we did use the dummies (sometimes in the night and while he is inside pram). But not always. At the end of 5th month, his liking towards sucking gradually reduced. And, after that he never wanted a dummy. I know that each baby is different, but if you spend sometime you can bring up your child without using dummies.

I will keep updating this post with my latest experiences and things to share..
I am sure that you have something useful to share. Please do pour in your thoughts.

Experience!!!

I had wanted to scribble one of my recent thoughts but could not find time. However, yesterday I mustered courage and did a thing, which washed away my earlier thoughts and instilled some new thoughts.
Its worth while to mention both though.
The earlier thought is about fear. It was the time during my childhood when I started practicing to ride bicycle. I used to rent bicycle for an hour or two, and ride all through our neighbouring area. The main road near our place is quite busy with all kind of vehicles and there is a down hill road which is crowded with people, shops and vehicles. This road also leads to my school. My father had asked me not to go there as it is completely packed and being a new learner he finds it to be a risky place to ride. Also riding on the down hill road needs some experience. I am an AaKo(ஆர்வ கோளறு) - one who is always interested in trying new things in our local slang. I wanted to ride on the main road and on the down hill road. I took that as a challenge for my experience(!) in cycling. One fine evening, I rented the bicycle and rode on the main road and down hill road. Though butterflies were flying in my stomach then, I was proud and happy that I had become an experienced cyclist(!) who could go through busy roads. There is a saying in Tamil, "இளம் கன்று பயம் அறியாது" - Calfs are not afraid and roam around as they like. As I have the habit of telling truth, I told my father about my achievement(!) and mentioned that I will go to school by bicycle from then. My father excused me for my bicycle venture and warned me that I have to grow big before going to school by bicycle. However its a different story that I pacified him and started riding on the main road and going to school by bicycle.
Now, my university and office are near to our home so that I can go by bicycle. There is a down hill road (similar to the one I rode during my childhood), which has to be crossed while coming from my university & office to home. I was a bit reluctant to cross it with bicycle. I had the fear, that if something happened to me, then I would not be able to take care of Barathraam. Though I may cite that as a reason, I also had a thought whether it is possible for me to cross such a down hill road. This incident made me think, that are people in general as they grow old are reluctant to take risks and try new things? For example, our parents are a bit hesitant to try the new technology and gadgets, though they are not risky. The courage I had during my childhood waned away now.
Though atleast I could accept that our parents have different interests now rather than trying out such things, I cannot accept my fear to cross the down hill road. I have not become so old that I should refrain from taking such risks.

My current thought is about experience! Yes, yesterday I mustered courage as I did during my childhood and crossed the down hill road. It was not as risky as I thought and that made me realize that things are always not as risky as we perceive it. Its only our mindset which limits us from taking such risks. And by venturing such tasks, we can keep our mind young. Once I experienced crossing the down hill by cycling, its no longer fear for me.
Thus its the courage and experience which will remove the fear from us. Ah, how great are the saints, sages and seers for they have experienced the Ultimate Truth. We (atleast me) still have the fear or being hesitant to take efforts to experience Ultimate Truth. I hope that I overcome that fearness or hesitancy, and experience the Truth.
Though such thoughts moves around in my mind always, it gets reemphasized during such incidents.
Thanks to God for making me face such incidents.

Is being regular a sense of boredom or proud consistency?!

I could still vividly remember my childhood days, when my grandmother would ask me to write down the list of groceries to be purchased for the forthcoming month. She would think of all those functions and festivals impending that month and the special items that would be needed then. We rarely experienced any shortage in grocery during the month and have hardly went to shop to buy something that got over. Though I reflect upon such acts now and trying hard to inherit it, at that time I found this regular activity of scribbling down the list as a boring one. But, now not only I admire her planning but also her consistency in doing it every single month!

I used to think (saying myself a radical thinker ;-)) that being regular usually is not interesting and mostly gets bored after sometime. However now I realise that being regular is not boring for all activities. Ofcourse, regular repeated cooking recipes would bore me and I like to have variety in cooking dishes. Earlier the moment when I hear routine tasks, for example the daily chores we do in our day to day life, I feel somewhat uninteresting. There are times when I used to ask my mom how she could cook for all three times a day, everyday! Isn't it a boring one..
When I started cooking, initially I too felt the same, but slowly din't find it a difficult one. But as I mentioned earlier, I used to give some twists and turns in the recipes to make it more interesting :)
One fine evening, I gave more thought to this "routine, regular & boring thingy". I observed that many things in nature are regular, starting from Sun rise and Sun set, seasons, lifecycle of all living beings, etc.. If these happenings are not regular, then there will be a big mishap. So it is very important for them to happen regularly. As in nature, there are some important things within us for example digestion, breathing which happens regularly. Apart from these things, our brain picks up some activities as habits only when done regularly. And this is called consistency! There is a saying in Samskrit about अभ्यास (Abhyasa which means practice), which says, whatever skill we posess, we should practice it regularly, otherwise those skills will slowly wane away. Hence it is important to practice regularly to retain it.
So practicing regularly is important, but how to make it interesting rather than a boredom??!! I have been thinking about this for sometime now... Ofcourse, if we start liking it, we will not consider those activity as a boredom, but what if otherwise?? One of the things that came to mind is slightly changing the order of the activities.. or the style of the activity like the variety in cooking receipes..
If you have any ideas on how to make the regular activities an interesting one, I am all ears to it. Please do pour in your thoughts about it..

Learning - The outcome of toughest times!

Being with my son Barathraam has made me retrospect more about life values.
There is a famous saying in Tamil which goes as "மீன் குட்டிக்கு நீந்த கத்துகுடுக்கனுமா?" - Does new born fish needs to be taught swimming??
Its surprising that how new born babies know sucking which provides them food.. Certainly, God has blessed us with some innate skills which is essential to our livelihood. Even a small baby does work to earn his meal. (Ofcourse sucking milk is a big job for a baby who has been getting his food automatically when he was in his mother's womb!) That would mean, working is inevitable for humans and all living organisms to run their livelihood. Work is worship and performing work to our best by submitting it's results to God will help us to realize the Ultimate Truth.

Another wonderful thing that I observed from Barathraam is Learning. When he has grown a little and needs more milk, he did not know how to suck milk from bottle. Perhaps, God has blessed us to suck naturally from mother.
He has been crying a lot for more than a week, when we were trying to give him milk through bottle. The two weeks was tough time with baby's crying. The difficult part here is that, he cannot be given any training or something on "how to suck bottles!". He has to learn by himself and slowly one day he learnt it. It took 2 weeks crying and his efforts to learn it. But the outcome of 2 weeks crying is the skill he learnt on "how to suck bottles!"

Ah, how many times in life, we were depressed and down because we are going through some tough times. And some of us do think that it happens only to us. If we retrospect how we were as babies, we would get more strength during tough times. All we need to say to us during tough time is "I am going to learn something from this tough situation and let me learn it.", instead of worrying on why its happening so to me! If a baby thinks why something new to me is forced, he cannot get his food. Similarly, we should not think why something bad is happening to me. Everything is for good :) (I know it is easier said)

I sincerely hope, Barathraam will make me understand many of life's values.

Words from me...

I heard many people saying "How naughty and troublesome I would have been to my parents but still they were so good to me"
These words come from their mouth after their experience with their kids!! :-)

Yes, "You will love your parents more once you start take care of your child".. You will then start savoring reminiscences of your childhood. These words of mine from my experience now, may re-emphasize others words, but still its worthy a million to say it "How good and affectionate are my parents to me..."

In search of a good time!!!

Some thoughts have been rolling on my mind for many months which I wanted to pen down. Often, I used to say myself, that I can pen down those thoughts when I find good time. I used to think that only during some "good time" I can articulate my thoughts well.You may ask what is a "good time" for me. When I retrospect about my definition of "good time", I could say that it is a calm afternoon or a serene atmosphere, conducive to pen down my thoughts. If I say I have not gotten a "good time" all these months, then it would be a white lie.

But its true that I have been postponing not only blogging, but also some activities that I wanted to do, saying myself its not a good time and let me wait for "some good time"! Sometimes, though I postponed an activity and did it later (yes after I found a good time ;-)), I realised that it either turned futile or din't have the effect of doing it without postponing.
It took me these many months, to realise that I have to equip myself such that I can articulate well and do things at my best in any given time. Perhaps, I realised by magic of Barathraam. Though initially I may not be at my best in articulating and doing my activities better at any given time, I believe I will slowly imbibe the skill of doing my best any time. Also my habit of postponing activities will slowly get rid off.

Through this post I would say to all who are like me that, we won't find a "good time" unless we seek it.
And, if we could see all time as "good time", then we could see ourselves transformed.

I should also accept here, that I have not taken any oath of "seeing all time as good time". But I will try my best and once in a while check out this post and your comments to remind myself of it :-)

Keep Echoing

Its been more than 10 years now, that I lived with my parents continuously for 3 months. If I am right, lastly when I was studying 12th standard I was at home. After that I could be at home only during my college holidays which is not more than 2 months. Later once i started working it was even ,ore less, like some weeks.
It was now possible to stay with them for 3 months continuously because of our sweet little Barathraam. I could still vividly remember the initial days when they arrived. We showed them the washing and other places in our colony, my college, my office etc. How Appa got accustomed to this cold winter climate still surprises me.
I dint have the slightest thought that he could go for supermarkets alone even during snow and on temperatures like -20 degree Celsius.  Though he was hesitant initially, he did it for he wanted to shoulder Sriram's shopping activities. As Amma kept praying, she dint face any major health problems during these 3 months, though she had few minor ones now & then. I was sure that she would like this cold climate and she also liked it. As always, she gave me advices softly and took great care of us. I would say both of them are instrumental in bringing Barathraam to set into a rhythm, like timely activities. We are a bit disappointed that we could not take them to any place, but we can't help it as we had our little Barathraam. Good at least we could take them to the frozen lake.

Now though they are back to India, their voices are keep echoing for me in each & every activity like Appa's dialogue when he keep him விபுதி (sacred powder)"தாயுமான சுவாமி குழந்தை காப்பாத்து. குழந்தை சமத்தா பால் குடிக்கணும்" (Lord Thayumana Swamy take care of baby, he has to drink milk well) and Amma's "ஜோ ஜோ ஜா ஜா ஜி ஜி" (rhyming tunes) mimicking all songs, like Bagyada Lakshmi Baramma and "ஏழை சொல் அம்பலம் ஏறாது" (Poor man's words are not heeded in an assembly). I have to say her that, "ஏழை சொல் அம்பலம் ஏறாது ஆனால் அம்பலம் ஏறும்போது ஏழை நினைகப்படுவான்".

We do miss them and by recollecting their voices and dialogues, I feel they are still with us. I sincerely wish to stay with them longer. I believe they enjoyed their stay in Finland.

Our sweet little Barathraam

On an auspicious day, we are blessed with our cute little baby Barathraam. I was wondering earlier before delivery  how I would take care of a small little baby for I din't even have courage to hold a small baby. However as everyone says, things change when it comes to own individuals. Yes, I could now say that one will acquire all needed skills to take care of a baby naturally and will become motherly.

One of the most important things about babies are that they are very good in observation and acquires inferential knowledge. So it is very important for the parents to watch out their activities. I have learned many good habits from my parents and grandma, and imbibed many good activities from them. To name a few, I imbibed श्रद्धा (shraddha - performing work with trust and faith), hardwork, dedication from my father, being tolerant, inquisitive, creative from my mother, and being perfect (including keeping things from where its taken), systematic from my grandma. When anyone says that Vidhya is good at this, I  attribute all those praises to my parents and grandma, for its because of the way they brought us.

Similarly, I believe Barathraam will find some good habits from us. So it is very important for us to follow some of our good habits consistently and at the same time acquire new good habits.

As the saying goes சொல்லி கொடுத்த வார்த்தையும், கட்டி கொடுத்த சோறும் எத்தனை நாளைக்கு ? - as, "How many days will the preached words and prepared lunch will stand?" meaning those advices which are kept told will have effect only few days. Only when an individual realise it by himself, he will do it lifelong. Children will not heed to our mere words or instructions. So for our words to be effective, we have to live those words by ourself.

I pass on this message to all those ought to be mothers - You will acquire motherly skills naturally, but you have to watch out your habits for your baby learns from you and not from your words.